Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”
Present Perfect Gift
Woman 1: It was my husband’s birthday yesterday and he said: Take me somewhere I’ve never been before (present perfect).
Woman 2: So where did you take him?
Woman 1: Into the kitchen:-))
Grammar is no laughing matter
Woman 1: Hey, you are wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger. (present progressive). Why?
Woman 2: Yes (a big sigh) … what do you expect? I married the wrong man (simple past) and sadly, … I’m still married to him (present)!!
Who is the sleepiest in class?
Mr Wang walks into his class one afternoon only to find that most of his students look tired and sleepy. He quickly takes out a handful of candy from his bag and announces to the whole class: ‘I will give the candy to the sleepiest student’.
Suddenly everyone is wide awake and raises their hand: ‘Me, me, Mr Wang. I am the sleepiest in class’.
Another student stands up and says: ‘It’s got to be me. I stayed up late to finish my homework last night. I am the sleepiest!!’
Another student: ‘Everyone calls me Mr Sleepy so I am the sleepiest. Give me the candy, Mr Wang’.
Mr Wang notices that one little boy sitting at the back does not raise his hand so he asks: ‘Zhang Wei, why don’t you raise your hand?’
Zhang Wei yawns and says: ‘I am too sleepy to raise my hand!!’
Mr Wang smiles and gives the candy to him.
Teacher Kim, You have changed a lot!
Youngchul was waiting for his Latte at Starbucks when he saw a woman sitting all alone in the corner. She looked exactly like Mrs Kim Jihyun, his high school English teacher.
Youngchul: Mrs Kim Jihyun, remember me? Youngchul … 용철 your student in high school. I was always sitting at the back. Remember?
Youngchul: I’m sooo glad you remember. It’s good to see you again. But you have changed quite a bit. Your hair was black and curly back then. And you were slimmer, too. How you have changed!!
Woman: Who? What? me? I think you got the wrong person here.
Youngchul: You are Mrs Kim Jihyun, right?
Woman: No, I’m Lee Younghee.
Youngchul: Oh …you have even changed your name! (walking away …).
You don’t know my Mom!
Teacher: Robbie, if you have 5 dollars and ask your Mom to give you another 5, how many dollars would you have?
Robbie: 5 dollars. No more, no less!
Teacher: You don’t know your maths!
Robbie: You don’t know my Mom!
It’s the same dog, Ma’am!
Teacher: Bobi, your story “My Dog” is exactly the same as Tedi’s. Did you copy his story?
Bobi: No, Ma’am, I didn’t. Well, what happened was that Tedi and I wrote about the same dog.
Teacher: But your story should be different from his.
Bobi: I don’t understand, Ma’am. Are you suggesting that in his story the dog has one tail? And in mine it has two tails? That would not be right, would it?
Teacher: Oh, get out of here, Bobi!! (Smiling)
Dad: David, how come you did so poorly on your grammar test?
David: Because of absence
Dad: Absence? You were absent on the day of the test? Or before?
David: No, no … Dad
Dad (getting impatient): So what’s the problem?
David: Uh …. uh … the girl who sits next to me … you know … she was absent on that day!!
Lift or Elevator?
A business executive from America is in London. In an office building he is pressing the elevator button, as he is late for his 10 am meeting.
The British security guard: “Can I help you, Sir?”
The American: “Your damn elevators are slow!”
The British security guard: “Oh really, Sir. Well, it is a busy day today. The lift will be here shortly.”
The American (getting impatient): “Elevator, not lift!!. I’m from America, and we invented the damn thing – it’s called an ELEVATOR.”
The British security guard (smiling): “Very true, sir. However, we invented the language and here we call the darn thing a LIFT.”